Forget all those tests on Facebook that claim to uncover the real you. Nothing is more revealing than which apps you have on your smart phone (I’m distinguishing it from the landline for those old enough to be confused). My list and the reason I chose each:

Flashlight: for reading a menu and the full body check I do three times a day

Instagram: to see photos of everybody’s new grandchildren

CNN: to kvell over Anderson Cooper

Scramble: playing word game to prevent my brain from further deterioration and when I need a break from doing mosaic work

PaperKarma: lets me stop unsolicited catalogs from universities running educational cruises

MapQuest: how else would I find my way to Home Depot for grout?

GoogleMaps: forgot I had MapQuest

FaceTime: a mistake. Thought it was about cosmetic surgery

FastCustomer: never used it. seems to be a way of avoiding waiting on the phone and getting a company to call you back. 30% of those who rated American Express gave it a “meh” with Citibank getting a 50% meh and Visa topping them with a 54% meh. This one may get removed.

BetterDoctor: when in need of a second opinion

DermLink.MD: to diagnose myself while waiting to see the doctor I found on BetterDoctor

OpenTable: looking for restaurants with tables at 5:30

V-Reminder: would remind me where I’m supposed to be if I’d remembered to enter my appointments

Flixter: to find documentaries and movies about the Holocaust in my neighborhood

Find iPhone: any app with “find” belongs on my phone. Is there a Find Keys?

RedLaser: will have to ask my son, who must have recommended it for a reason

What’sApp: don’t remember, but I think it makes me seem younger